Eric is not breaking up with me

Subject: I AM GALD THAT YOU KNOW THE MONEY IS NOT REALLY SEND TO ME!!!!



HELLO JONES,

I WILL LIKE YOU TO COME OVER HERE IN NIGERIA. NOW I AM SO HAPPY YOU KNOW THAT THE MONEY IS NOT REALLY SENT TO ME.

GRACE I WILL BE SO GALD IF YOU CAN GIVE ME YOUR CELLPHONE NUMBER,I REALLY WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE BETTER THAN THIS OKAY.

ARE YOU REALLY MARRIED::::.....

GRACE I WANT YOU TO GO TO THE BANK BY YOURSELF WITH THIS INFORMATION BELOW.

NOTE THAT YOU CAN SEND THE MONEY TRUTH MONEY GRAM ASWELL. THIS IS MY FRIEND INFORMATION MIKE.



RECEIVER'S NAME:::: PHILIP MIKE
RECEIVER'S ADDRESS::::LAGOS NIGERIA,23401
TEST QUESTION::::::::::::::: HAPPY
TEST ANSWER:::::::::::::::: HAPPY
AMOUNT TO BE SENT::::::: $400USD
SENDER'S NAME AND ADDRESS



THE AMOUNT TO BE SEND IS $400. SO THAT I WILL BOOK YOU FLIGTH ASWELL TO NIGERIA.

SO TO HERE FROM YOU AS YOU AS YOU GOT THIS EMAIL. PLEASE GO TO THE BANK BY YOURSELF.

LOVERLY YEAR
ERIC DONALND


Ugh.


Dear Eric,

I'm so glad that you wrote me, I was just thinking about you :)

Would it be okay if I brought the money with me, I could bring the scanner too and give that to you as a gift. I am so nervous to use a wire transfer now. I could check with the safari company and see if I can make the trip sooner. I am really eager to meet you. The band is not doing anything at the moment so I have a lot of free time. I think it will take more than $400 for me to fly to Africa, so I will book my own flight. Would you like anything else for me to bring with me when I come besides money and a scanner? I can go shopping for you now.

No, I am not married. I was, but that was a long time ago and I'm now divorced. I hope you don't mind that. Here is my number.


I could invite you to gmail and we could chat too if you like? I was thinking if you wanted to go on safari with me, we could meet that way. It would save you money and you would get a vacation too. Please look at their website and choose a place that would be convenient for you to meet me.

Wow, I'm so excited about this now!

Love,
Grace
P.S. I've attached a picture of me in a funny hat. I hope you like it ;)

Well, maybe Ernest and Duncan won't accept my fake money in a scanner afterall

My dear brotherI have inform Ernest to accept the money from you instrumentally, youcan send US$300 to him today while balance will be send to him as soonas he confirm to you that the certificate is ready, send it to himthrough money gram Lagos Nigeria and hold the remain fee until thecertificate is ready and dispatch to you.If this ideal is ok, kindly send the money immediately and update me

I wish you happy New Year
Dr. Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

---------

My dear brotherI have spoke with Ernest concern your idea in shipping scanner to himand he insist that you should go and send the money to him throughmoney gram, he advise that whether the money get to him or now thatyour fund ownership must be dispatch to your door step, so I trusthim, go and send the money to him now and send the information so thatyou will expect confirmation from him with the tracking number of thecertificate dispatch to your given address

I wish you happy New Year
President of HSBC Bank London
Dr. Duncan Smith

----------

My dear brotherIf you insist that you will not follow my instruction then forget it,I have assure you that it will never happened again and I stand myyour side to protect you as Mr. Ernest needed this money as urgentbecause of his commitment with the Chief Justice after submitting yourapplication form to them for final conclusion tomorrow, so my dearbrother, you not under force to comply. Because he will not have thetime to consult agent that will clear the scanner at the wolf andstart payment agent fee just because of usd 620, so you can forget ittill anytime you are ready

I wish you happy New Year
President of HSBC Bank London
Dr. Duncan Smith

That's okay Duncan. I can wait a long time. And I think the Bunsenettes will keep me pretty busy.

Okay, bye then.

Yours in Truthiness,
Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

More fun with the Bunsenettes

Dear Bunsen,Nice reading from you and i am so pleased and happy to meet you as myine.Now the bank has open and i would want us to go into the fund transferring. Could you send me your contact address and direct phone numbers? So that i will send it to the bank for the fund transferring.Thanks,
Julie.

I tell Julie the same sad story of why I can't talk, acidic cloud, "Meep meep" etc. Next up is Joy.

Dearest Sweetheart ---

Thanks for your mail, I know this mail will not come to you as a suprise since we have not had a previous correspondance, please bear with me.i will really like to have a good relationship with you, and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you, I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here and after reading your profile.I am Miss Joy Harry F. Moniba 25 years old girl from Liberia,the daughter of Late Dr. Harry F. Moniba the former vice president of the Republic of Liberia and standard bearer of the Liberian National Union ,

My father was died by car crash on Wendsday night, November 24,2004 while he was traveling from Jackson, Michigan to Ohio (USA). . I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I, m receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father.Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe but she hide away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents

Luckily she did not discover where I kept my fathers File which contains important documents. So I decided to run to the refugee camp where I am presentlyseeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee herein Dakar, Republic of Senegal. I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your Country.My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$5, 700, 000.00 in Bank with my name as the next of kin.

blah, blah, blah . . . I snipped the rest of the letter another refugee ladette in Senegal (this time with the evil stepmother modality). To save time I also send her the "meep meep" letter with a line about how awful it is that she has an evil stepmother. I guess it doesn't matter because her mail bounces back. Oh well, goodbye Joy, we hardly knew ye. Next!

Hi my dear Dr.Bunsen,
Compliments of the season.

I got your mail with happiness and joy and i hope that everything is ok with you and your families. i am very happy for your kind explanation here in which i have known you just a little, and i will love to know more about you if possible please kindly send me your photos and i will send you mine in my next mail ok and i will like to know your mind toward my proposal to you, so to know how we are going to arrange your travelling to europe infact i will love to discuss with you oral concerning this my matter therefore kindly send me your telephone number so that i call you for more details.

Happy to hear from you soonest and also to recieve your photo and phone number.

With Love and respect.

Zainab aziz.

Sounds good. This travelling to Europe modality sounds interesting. I'll send you a combo of the two previous letters that Bunsen has sent out ;)

Dear Zainab,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too. Thank you for your quick reply to my mail. I wish I could say that my family is well, but I don't have a family. Only my lab assistant, Mr. Beaker. That is why I wrote to you. I am very lonely.

I would love to call you but I must confess something to you. I damaged my voice box in a laboratory accident a few months ago. My assistant Beaker was mixing some chemicals together and it formed an acidic cloud. I can barely speak now and poor Beaker can only make squeaking noises so it sounds like he is saying "Meep, meep!" when he talks. It is awful, but the doctors say that both of us should recover within a year. That is one of the reasons I am so lonely. I can not talk so it is hard to meet people.

Well, you want to know more about me. My name is Bunsen and I am a scientist. I work in a laboratory with my assistant, Mr. Beaker. Mainly, we work on inventing things. Some of the inventions that we have created and tested include: edible paper clips, a gorilla detector, hair-growing tonic, banana sharpener, a robot politician and an electric nose warmer.

I graduated from Carnegie Melon University and was employed as an assistant to Dr.Burns. I am the founder of Honeydew Labs. I am 45 years old and I have never been married.

Travelling to Europe sounds very exciting. I've never been outside of the USA before. I tend to keep to my work, but I think I would like to start travelling.

I've attached my photo. I must confess I am not the most photogenic person in the world, but I do try to look my best.

Love,
Bunsen

Apologies to whoever is in the photo below, randomly found on the internet. It was just too perfect not to use.

I hear from Cynthia, who sends me almost the same exact letter word for word as Grace #1 in the previous post (Bunsen and the Bunsenettes) - two camps, one for men and one for women, nice reverend who lets her use his computer, etc. So I send her the same letter too. I'll just refer to it from now on as the "meep meep" letter. Acidic clouds are bad, y'all.

Lastly, Princess Sonia writes back. She's confused that I don't want her mother to come with her.

Dear Bunsen.
how are you today i hope it is well.
please i dont understand you very clear. do try to know that i am a woman if real that you are going to help us out regard to this fund kindly out with good point so that i can sent you the text of application form which you will fill and sent to the bank for comfirmation ok. what do you need from my mother do tell me so that i can inform her or call me for phone so you can speak to her i hope you are clear with me.

THANKS.
YOURS SISTER.
PRINCESS SONIA.

---------

Dear Sonia,

I need for your mother not to come with you to the USA. You, fine. Not your mom. That would cramp my style.

Sincerely,
Bunsen


Grace #2 (aka blue font Grace) sends the same basic letter as Grace #1 and Cynthia, except for this bit:


I will be every happy to be with you in Egypt.


Bunsen never said he was in Egypt. She also attaches a picture entitled "My hot picture". It's not really hot. I may have to start weeding out the Bunsenettes as this is getting confusing, lol.

Zainab at least mentions the horrible acidic cloud accident.

Hello my dear Dr.Bunsen,

I am very happy to read from you once again, now i have read and understand you more and i heard what you say concerning your family, i am promissing you one thing, from today i am together with you.this i said from the bottom of my heart don't worried i believe we can make a family.

Dear Bunsen, i hear what you explan concerns your work i felt very sorry as i know you might have pass a very serious time during this period of time you lost your voice, please try to be more careful there in the lab ok, i 've seen your photos i guess you are the one in front right? (Good guess there, Z). Dear i am very happy as to know that you can travel down to europe for the withdraweral of the box i told about.

All i want you to do now is to contact the security company in europe and introduce yourself as my partner who will recieve the box on my behalf, i will call thecompany as soon as i finishes writting to you now to introduce you to the company as my partner who will recieve this very box on my behalf ok, I am very very happy to hear that you can travel down to europe where my late father deposited the box that contains the money 7.5M, so that you will be able to meet face to face with the company and withdraw the box and take the box down to your country so thatas soon as the box is out and been in your possession by then you will send me some amount of money to pick my air ticket to your country ok. I hope youunderstand everything i am explaing to you. and i am sending to you my photo along with my passport copy, i am happy as i have seen and know whom i am dealing things with, as you can see this money in qestion is not a small amount of money.

My dear Bunsen, I want you to contact the security company right now in europe!! and discuss with them that you are my foriegn partner,That you want the boxto be delievered to you through their special diplomatic courier service to your address, if you no you cannot go to europe ok. (Darn, it's a trunk box scam. I hate those. They're so boring. I wonder what will happen if I call her bluff about going to Europe?).

The box is registered with my name MISS ZAINABAZIZ. as the next of kin and the Description of the box is registered:Family valuables.

Kindly contact the company and tell them that you want them to ship the box deposited in their custody with security code no :( X41/IDSCIX362) and ask them for the requirement and the cost of shiping the box down to you there in your country. Please make sure that you do not tell them that the box contains money,because like I earlier told you, my late father disguised the box as contain family valuables for the safety of the box and for fear of losing the money tothe government if they discover that the box contains money.So you must be tactical in your contact with the security company .

Here is contact of the company.

INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMATICE SERVICE(IDS)

ADDRESS: 247 STANFORD ROAD OFF PECKHAM

ESTATE SW 2479 NE LONDON UK

CONTACT: PERSON IS MR.MANIK HARRY

You can contact them through phone (I guess she's forgotten about my horrible lad accident already) or by their email.Ask them to furnish you with their requirements and the cost for the delivery of the consignment to youraddress there in your country (and the fact that I said I could travel to Europe). On my side, I will be preparing to travel down as soon as the arrangement is concluded with the security company.

I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as you have made contact with the security company in europe and do not tell them that the content of the box is money just tell them that the content is family valuables.My prayer to you is that God should give you wisdom and understanding to help me sincerely.

I thank you once again and may God be with you,

Yours lovely

Zainab aziz.

And that was the edited version. Zainab likes her scripts looooooooong I see. She also attaches a really bad photoshopped passport.

C'mon Z, now that's just embarrassing. Oh well, time to write to the box company.

Dear Sir,

I was asked to write to you by Miss Zainab aziz. She said am I to travel to Europe to pick up a box for her containing family values.

Sincerely,
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

No need to write an essay to them. I wonder if they'll pick up on the slip about family values. Probably now. Time to write back to Zainab.

My darling Z,

I hope you do not mind me calling you Z. It is a nickname that I use for you with much affection.

Yes, that is me in the front of the photograph as you guessed. The other person is my lab assistant Mr. Beaker.

I have written the box company as you requested and told them that I could come pick up the package if needed. I did not know this would require travel so soon, but if it does that is not a problem.

I am usually careful in the lab but I do have to remind Beaker to follow precautions. I think he has learned his lesson this time. Poor guy, he just squeaks instead of talking. All I hear is "meep, meep, meep" all day long.

Thank you for your lovely picture. You are very beautiful. Please tell me more about your life and what your interests are. I feel such a connection between us.

Love,
Bunsen

Mattar is also sympathetic. She and Z are certainly doing better than the two Graces.

Dear Uncle Bunsen

I thank you for your letter,but it is a big shock to know of the accident.But thank to God Almighty that your lives are preserved.

It is said that since there is life,there is hope. I strongly hope that all will be well. If this my problem is solved now,i would suggest that your use money there for the treatment for both of you. (Aww, that's sweet).

For this money, my father kept in the security and finance house here. Maybe, i can give you the contact of the bank to contact them.I wish this money to be sent to your account in your country,so that you can use money there for the treatment.

I am really touched for this and i will be happy to help any way i could. If you can try and make the bank people send this money to your account,it will be better and faster way for me to help. Thanks and may God bless you and your family.

Yours,

Mattar Williams

I wish she would stop with the Uncle part. But then again, someday I can introduce her to cousin Beaker.

Darling Mattar,

Thank you for your kind offer of assistance. Please send me the bank contact. That would be very helpful. Also, please tell me more about yourself. I wish to get to know you better. It is not often that one meets such a wonderfully kind person as you.

Love,
Bunsen

Cynthia doesn't seem to even grasp the seriousness of a "meep, meep" injury.

Dearest .

I thank you ones again for reaching me. I hope you are keeping fine today, How is your work over there? As for me, i am looking fine over here.My dear i am glad that God has brought you to see me out from this situation and i promise to be very grateful and will equally need you in every area of my life plus investing this money into a project that will develop this fund in near future.

Bunsen burns with rage (hah!) and doesn't even read the rest of Cynthia's mail before going postal.

Cynthia,

How is my work over here?!? Don't you even read?!

An acidic cloud burned my voice box and now I can't talk and all my assitant does is make high pitched noises instead of talking because his voice is gone too!

Do you know how incredibly annoying it is to listen to that all day?!

-Bunsen

I also hear from a Rose, but she sounds boring so she doesn't even make the first round of the Bunsenettes, plus she's a day too late.

Princess Sonia says that she won't bring mom.

Dear Bunsen.
now i have understand you very clear if that will be the case you should not worry when you comfirm the fund into your account i will come alone to collect my share ok. just get back to me with my details also your personal picture so that i can sent you the text application which you will fill and sent to the bank for comfirmation of the fund to your bank account.

THANKS.
YOURS SISTER.
PRINCESS SONIA.

----------

Dear Sonia,

Can you send me your picture first?

'Cause I'm not looking for a sister either, if you know what I mean. Wakacha wow!

Love,
Bunsen

Yeah, Bunsen's pretty much going to be a jerk to Princess Sonia.

So, in summary, after a long day of auditions, Joy is completely out (bounced e-mail), Cynthia is on her way out (lack of paying attention), the two Grace's are sort of meh (they're boring), Julie's still at the beginning stage, Z and Mattar show early promise, and Sonia just thinks Bunsen is a dick probably.

Are you breaking up with me Eric?

Eric sends me about 3 e-mails talking about 3 different posts at once, so I'm not sure what he's on about here. I try to get things back on track.

GRACE,

I GUESS IF YOU REALLY FELL THE SAME WAY WITH ME YOU WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

COS SINCE YOU BE SENDING ME MONEY I HAVE NOT RECIVCE ONE .

I CAN LOOK FOR A SHOURT INFORMATION TO CAN SEND THE TO AGIAN.

----------

Dear Eric,

Have you heard anything back from Western Union? I know yesterday was a holiday but surely they would have written back to you by now.

Sincerely,
Grace

----------

GRACE,

WELL I REPLY THE WESTER UNOIN SINCE THEN I HAVE NOT HERE FROM THEM AGIAN.

IF I CALLED THEM IT WILL BE HIGH FOR ME TO PAY THE RATE AMOUNT.

----------

DEAR GRACE,

IT WILL BE FINE IF YOU WANT TO VISIT ME, THEN I CAN EXPLALY VERYTHING TO YOU.

YOU SAID YOU DONT PICK UP THE MONEY. I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. BUT I CAN GUESS THAT YOU ARE THE ONE MAKING A MISKATE BY SENDING THE MONEY.

I CAN GO AND LOOK FOR ANOTHER INFORMATION, THAT WILL BE EASYER TO READ.

-----------

HELLO GRACE,

I CAN GIVE YOU ANOTHER INFORMATION. OKAY

------------

Dear Eric,

I got a bunch of e-mails from you all at once, so I don't know which one to reply to first. I really like you Eric, so I don't want you to think that I have been dishonest with you. The money was sent to you, but I guess something happened to it. I have called Western Union myself and the guy on the phone was not really helpful. He kept asking security questions and I got really annoyed.

Maybe I can mail you the money. I could hide it in something like a scanner so no one would know that it is inside. I don't know, I'm getting really frustrated and you've been so nice, I hate that you don't have the money yet.

Speaking of visiting you, I was thinking on going on vacation to Africa next month. I really need a break from the band. Things are really stressful and we haven't heard from the record company yet. I've always wanted to go on safari and I found this great company, **** Safaris, so I might do that.

Love,
Grace

Ernest and Dustin will accept my fake money in a box!

Sir
This is to acknowledge your mail and the content is well noted, I did not stated to you on my mail that I know Patrick Duffy where about, all I said is that Duncan Smith, brief me about his intention to divert your fund, So I prove that word wrong to you, Nevertheless, I have concluded with High Court of Justices for immediate collection of your fund ownership certificate by 11: 30 am in the morning and as soon as I get it I will dispatch it through UPS/ FedEx to your given address so that you can sigh and send copy to HSBC Bank for immediate wire of your fund to your bank account, send the fee today so that we will conclude your file with high court tomorrow.
I wait your compliance

Regards
Mr. Ernest Obi


-------------


Dear Ernest,

Oh I'm sorry, I just thought that when you said Patrick is afraid to pick up the money in London, that meant that Patrick was in London.

I really don't feel comfortable wiring any money until Patrick is caught. I was thinking of hiding the money inside a scanner and shipping it to you that way so it would be more secure. I don't really trust these wire transfers anymore after everything that has happened.

I know it would take a little more time, but that's okay, I can wait for my funds. Plus, you would get a new scanner.

Sincerely,
Stephen


----------


My Dear Brother

I am pleased to inform you that Mr. Patrick case should be put asideas we have promise you after board of director meeting the refund ofmoney and is already program in our telex system which will betransfer to your account with your principal amount,I hereby advise that you should go and send the money to Ernestthrough western union or money gram as western union has promise ustransparency after my complaint to their customer care center on phoneover the missing of fund from their system


We will be happy to conclude with you this week, so send the money nowand get your certificate immediately.

I wish you happy New Year


Dr. Duncan Smith

President of HSBC Bank UK


----------


Dear Duncan,

I wrote back to Ernest and I think I have a better idea. I have bought a scanner and stuffed the money inside of it. If you give me your address to ship it to, I will mail the scanner with the money inside of it to you.

I've attached a picture to show you what I have done. I just need the address to ship it to. I really think with all of the problems that we've had with Western Union, that this way is more secure.

Sincerely,
Stephen



----------

Sir
Go and send the money through Western Union, the high court might not pay attention to me if I fail to meet up with our arrangement tomorrow, Go and send it through western union Lagos- Nigeria Receiver Name JOHN EBI Text Question What Color Text Answer Green, Now so that my secretary will pick up the money tomorrow and meet with me at high court office for settlement and I dispatch the certificate to you at the same time, Your matter with Patrick will be solve as Duncan has approve to settle with your main fund that will be credit to your account.
I wait for the information to conclude soonest
Regards
Mr. Ernest Obi

No.

Sir
My world is my bond; I would be so unexcited if my appointment with chief justices of the Federation regard the release of your original copy of your fund ownership did not hold, because I have inform them already due to the date given to me by you, I respect Duncan Smith so much that is why I bring out time to help you and at the same time pleased him, because I told him that I don’t engage myself in this job, I have a lot of things to do and I work with time so if you can’t send the money today so that my secretary will pick up the money to conclude with you tomorrow then I will turn off your file. Already Western Union promise to be careful this time, beside, such thing had never happen to Nigeria before and it would not start from you,

Go and send then send the MTCN Number or you may call me on **** or you send through money gram and send their 8digit reference number to me immediately, I am man of integrity and will not like anything that will disparage my name as good name what to me more than Silver and Gold.

I wait for the information
Regards
Ernest Obi

That's nice, but still "no."

My dear brother
I have receive your mail and your effort to make sure that the fee getto Ernest, listen I have seen attach of the canner with the stuff butI have to assure you that the money will not lost again becauseshipping those package to Nigeria or London will cost you moreexpenses and time, you are working with me and you have to becomfortable in dealing with me, before I send mail to you today I haveinform western union customer center and they advise that you are 100%sured, so don?t bother yourself in shipping, just go and send themoney now through western union or money gram and send the informationto me so that I will call the western union office in Nigeria to holdthe money until John Ebi come to claim it, okay, because the lawyerswill expect Ernest tomorrow and any disappointment might not be goodto us,

I wish you happy New Year
President of HSBC Bank London
Dr. Duncan Smith

-----------

Dear Duncan,

Sorry, I don't feel comfortable doing it your way after sending payment before with Western Union and having the money stolen.

If you don't want to accept the package, well I guess we've reached an impasse.

Sorry,
Stephen
Because you are boring and I am dead set on the "money hidden in a scanner" modality.

Bunsen and the Busenettes

Starting a new post to alleviate the font errors (for now). Bunsen writes back basically the same letter to all of his potential lady loves (I'll call them the Bunsenettes).

Dear Cynthia (Grace #1, Grace #2, and Julie),

Wow, you are really pretty. (Except for you Julie, you didn't send a picture).

Well, you want to know more about me. My name is Bunsen and I am a scientist. I work in a laboratory with my assistant, Mr. Beaker. Mainly, we work on inventing things. Some of the inventions that we have created and tested include: edible paper clips, a gorilla detector, hair-growing tonic, banana sharpener, a robot politician and an electric nose warmer.

I graduated from Carnegie Melon University and was employed as an assistant to Dr.Burns. I am the founder of Honeydew Labs. I am 45 years old and I have never been married.

Love,
Bunsen

Bunsen hears back from Grace (uh, #1 I think).

Subject: HONEY WITH LOVE AND TRUST THIS IS MY FULL LIFE STORY

Hello Darling,how are you today, l hope you are fine. My day is very boring over here in Dakar Senegal. ln this camp we find it hard to go out because we are not allowed to do so, its just like one staying in the prison and l hope by God's grace l will come out here soon. I don't have any relatives now that i can go to, all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war the only person i have now is Rev. David Christopher who is the Reverend pastor of the ( Church of God Mission ) here in the camp he has been very good to me since l came here but l am not living with him rather l am living in the women's hostel because the camp have two hostels one for men the other for women. The Pastor's Tel number is *** And his e mail address is ****. if you call and tell him that you want to speak with me he will send for me in the girl's hostel. and i will come to his office to speak with you. and i will be glad to hear your voice.

As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country. I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place. Honey, please l would like you to know that l have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which l will like to send to you to assist me, because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in Europe which he used my name as the next of kin. The amount in question is $ 5.7( Five Million Seven Hundred Thousand US Dollars)

So l will like you to assist me transfer this money to your account and from it you will send some money for me to get my travelling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you. I can't withdraw the money my self due to my refugee statues here in this country which does not permit me to do, rather the money can not be transferred in Senegal where i am in refugee statues. I want you to send me your contact information's such as

Your Names ............
Age .......................
Address ................
Telephone .............
Bank Info ................ (how romantic!)

I have got in touch with the bank and made them to know about my plans to withdraw this money, l also got them aware of the death of my father and they have acknowledged it with all their confirmation and verifications. However, they advise me to get in touch with a very responsible person who will stand on my behalf and my trustee as regards to this money since l am presently of refugee status over here and wouldn't be permitted to handle this amount of money, they also let me know about the bond which they signed with my father that the money will be handled to me in bulk amount which means that l should decide on if l should continue with the bank or not.

I just have to let you know about this so that you can assist me to be my trustee on this money. like l said, l want you to call me because l have allot to tell you.l kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me.
Darling have a nice time and think about me. my dear, l hope to hear from you soonest. l love you.

Mis grace

---------

Dearest Grace,

Thank you for your quick reply. I would love to call you but I must confess something to you. I damaged my voice box in a laboratory accident a few months ago. My assistant Beaker was mixing some chemicals together and it formed an acidic cloud. I can barely speak now and poor Beaker can only make squeaking noises so it sounds like he is saying "Meep, meep!" when he talks. It is awful, but the doctors say that both of us should recover within a year. That is one of the reasons I am so lonely. I can not talk so it is hard to meet people.

Darling, I want to help you but I'm not sure how. You already know my name and that I can not speak on the telephone. My address is 411 53rd St., Apt. 4-D, NY, NY 1000. I bank at the 1st Federal Credit Union.

Please tell me more about yourself and send some more pictures. I have a feeling we will get on very well together.

Love,
Bunsen

A couple of new Busenettes appear on the horizon, but there are a few problems . . .

Subject: THIS IS THE DETAILS OF THE BUSINESS AND MY PICTURE.

Dear Bunsen.

Thanks for your mail,as i have clearly explained to you in my first mail,as soon as this money is transfered to you, i and my mother will come over to your country for the sharing as i have already stated and the investment will take place,one of the things you have to do now,is trying to know what is good over there in your country that we can invest in.

A lot more followed, but to be honest, Bunsen stopped reading right there. He may be a lonely muppet, but he's not stupid. Sorry princess.

Dear Sonia,

Oh.

You didn't mention you would bring your mother along. That changes things. I'm not really interested in that.

-Bunsen

Enter Mattar, who is not really romance minded. That's okay, muppet labs always needs investors ;) I think I e-mailed her before I had the idea of the "lonely lab assistant" Bunsen character. Also, the person I e-mailed was named "lucky jackson", but that doesn't matter.

Oh, and Beaker's a woman now. Go figure.

Dearest,

I would like to help you. How can I be of service? I am a doctor and run my own laboratory. My assistant, Ms. Beaker, forwarded me your e-mail and thought I might be of help to you.

Sincerely,
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

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Dear Uncle Bunsen
Thank you so much for your letter and acceptance to help me.Infact you have really relieved my worriness.

May the Good Lord bless you and your family and happy new year.I am happy Sister Beaker has involved you to this and i know that our God has a purpose for this.

I do not know much about this,that is why i need a sincerely help.If the money come to your position,you can also invest it properly in your country.I really wants to continue my education and i will want you to help my with that in your country.

I am ready to give you the document my later father gave to me. Please also tell me that you will never betray my trust on you.

Thanks and may God bless you and your family.

Yours,
Mattar Williams.

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Darling Mattar,

Thank you for your mail. Sister Beaker always says that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Or at least that's what Sister Beaker used to say.

You see, Beaker helps me in my lab and we had an accident with some chemicals about a month ago. It damaged both of our vocal cords. I can hardly whisper and poor Beaker can only make squeaking noises so it sounds like she is saying "Meep, meep!" when she talks. It is awful, but the doctors say that both of us should recover within a year.

Due to the accident, it was with great eagerness that I read your mail as the lab really needs investors right now to pay for our medical bills and other liability issues.

Please tell me how we can proceed and how we can get to know each other better.

Sincerely,
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is single and looking for love

Happy New Year everyone! Since most of my lads have stopped talking to me after Lad-mas, I decided to start with a brand new baiting character for 2008. I sent the following e-mail to a few refugee princesses/russian mail order bride scammers.

Dear *****,

I read your e-mail and you seem nice. My name is Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. I am a doctor and I run a laboratory (we do experimental tests). It is a good job, but I have to work many long hours with only my assistant Mr. Beaker for company. I am a loney man looking for the right companion.

Love,

Bunsen

Let's meet the contestants so far . . .

Dear Bunsen,
Before i can go on and reply your mail, i would love to wish you a happy new year. Comes to your respond, please not just a right companion rather i need a man that would love me as my husband.

Now my late father left some money for me and this is why i am here in Africa for the fund transfer. Now will you disappoint me when this fund must have transfered into your account.

Do reply me before the bank will open on 3 Jan 08.

Thanks,
Julie

'kay Julie, lad with a deadline. Who's next?

Dearest Love,
I am more than happy for your reply to my mail. How is your day, My name is Miss grace single and never been married, i am from Sudan in East Africa, 23 yrs,Earlier i was residing in Darfur’s refugee camp in Chad on January 2005, at a time, there is a division and dispatch of some of the refugees due to the over population of the people in Chad, i was taken to Senegal West African on 10th August 2006 where I'm presently residing in N'dioum refugee camp here in Senegal where i am seeking political asylum due to the civil war in my country. I am in suffering and pains here in this camp and i really need to have a man by my side to encourage me and give me good advice in life and help me to come out from this situation.

My late father Dr Col Nathaniel Mbarote was the Industrial Managing director of (MBAROTE AND INDUSTRIAL COMPANY LTD) in the federal capital of Sudan (KHARTOUM) the economy capital of my Country, and he was also the personal adviser to the former head of state, before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and father in a cold blood. It is only me that is alive now and i managed to serve my life here in Senegal where i am living now as a refugee. This Refugee Camp is headed by a Reverend Father, i used his office computer to send you this email and i only enter his office when he is less busy in his office

I would like to know more about you, your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently. i like to meet understanding, loyal, sincere, truthful, kindly and friendly and more to that, a man of vision and truth. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Attached here is my picture, Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Miss grace.

Grace, you sound a lot like Miracle. I'll call you Grace #1, because up next is . .

Hello My Dearest Dr.Bunsen Honeydew,

How are you? Thanks once again, I am more than happy in your sweet and encouraging reply to my mail. It was so sweet of you and I feel you're a very nice person. How is your day? mine is cool over here in Dakar Senegal . My name is Miss Grace John from Ivory Coast in West Africa and presently, I am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal, as a result of the civil war going on in my country. I was a first year student of law at the university, before the incident that lead me into
this situation of living in the camp. Am a very simple honest, respectful Caring, sincere and romantic girl.

My late father Dr. John Kewrell was the Managing Director of Rainbow Gold and Diamond Mine company, also a successful business man import and exporter of Cocoa during his life time, before the rebels attacked my house one early morning killing my mother and my father. Equally my mother was a senior lecturer at the university before her death, I don't have any relatives now whom I can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war. It is only me that is alive now because I am the only child to my parent, as I managed to make my way to near by country Senegal, where I am leaving now. Remember the distance or colour or even age not matter but love matters allot in life.

I want people to take the better part of me all time and feel happy. I have long hair with a nice shape, I love music and I like dancing too. I don't like dishonest people and I don't like problems. I believe each day God sends His angels to guide us. We don't expect to see them with wings, or with halo flying above their heads. Instead, they come in disguise and we call them friends. Thank you for being an angel to me! You brighten my day. I would like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and cares.., what you are doing presently. My dear good friend I attach here my pictures for you, though I am not that photogenic, I hope you wouldn't mind. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. I don't want to end up missing you. Kiss

From my deepest heart.
Thanks I am hoping to hear from you soonest,
Miss Grace John.

Grace #2. Who is also in a refugee camp in Senegal. Gee, I hope they don't run into each other. That could be awkward.

Right now, I like Grace #2. Long intro script and cool blue font distinguishes her from other Grace and the other one. We'll see what happens when Bunsen writes back tomorrow. Maybe we'll hear from a Yulia or Natalia too?

eta - We also have Cynthia, whose script sounds an awful lot like Grace #2.

Dearest love.

I am reaching you once again in order to make our contact reality.How are you nowdays? i hope fine. I am Miss Cynthia Damah i am 22 years old, i am undergraduate in general Nursing before unfortunate inccident occured along my way which brought setback in my educational career, but i am hoping to further my education in near future.I am also single and haven't gotten married, my natural colour is fair in complexion and of average heigth, i am from Ivory Coast in West Africa and presently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal as a result of civil war that was fought in my country .

The name of my Late father was Hon.Robert Damah,he was the managing director Damas group of company LTD in Abidjan the federal capital city of Ivory Coast my country,and he was the personal adviser to the former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning killing my mother and my father.

it is only me that is alive now then i have to run to nearby country which is where i am now in the refugee camp,haven't finished up my education and need a man who will make use of my fathers wealth and get me through in life,

I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently.

I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. I attached here my picture for you, though I am not all that photogenic, i hope you wouldn't mind. I wait to hear from you soonest

Cynthia.

I didn't bother posting their pictures, it's not really them anyway.

And now for some reason, this whole post is in italics and I can't seem to fix it :( That's what I get for posting both from a Mac and a PC.