I knew Eric had a crush on Grace!

This sets up all sorts of safari possibilites. But at the same time . . . ew.

Subject: YOU DONT BELIVE ME AGIAN

HELLO GRACE,

PLEASE ARE YOU THE ONE THAT PICK UP THE MONEY SEND BY JOHN.

WELL I JUST REPLY THE EMAIL SENT TO ME BY THE Western Union.

Well that's just great. The e-mail specifically said not to write back, "no-reply" was even in the address. Idiot.

Dear Eric,

No, I did not pick up any money. The money was sent to you. I don't know who picked it up.

Please let me know when you hear back from Western Union. Perhaps you should call them again if they don't write back. I'm not sure of what to do anymore.

Love,
Grace

--------------

I WANT YOU TO NO THAT ME AND YOU HAS COME A LONG WAY

Oooookay.

Dear Eric,

I feel the same way about you. I must confess I have grown a little fond of you. Do you think it would be possible for me to ever come and visit you?

-Grace

Icky, but if I can get Eric to travel out of this I guess it will be worth it. I just hope he doesn't send any pictures *yuck*.

Ernest bring us that much closer to catching Patrick Duffy

Well no, not really.  But a mention is enough to convince Stephen to go off on a tangent.

Sir

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail and the content is well understood, listen Stephen, Due to the urgency of this transaction, we cannot accept the shipping of the money to Nigeria to avoid delay on transit, go to western union or money gram is faster and easily of receiving money in Nigeria and is very secure, I promise you transparent and that is incident will not repeat itself again, Mr. Patrick is afraid to pick up the money from London because of his illegal intention towards your fund, So don’t be discourage as you are dealing with man of integrity, Send the money to JOHN EBI Lagos Nigeria through western union and he will pick up in less than 1hrs after confirmation of the payment information from you.

Regards

Mr. Ernest Obi

-------

Dear Ernest,

So you know where Patrick is then?  In London?

I have some friends in Scotland Yard.  Should I call them?  I'm sure they can find Patrick Duffy now that we know which city he is in.

Oh, thank you for this information!  I just know that I will get my money back now.  This is great news!

Sincerely,

Stephen

Well of course Western Union seized it!

I wrote the e-mail from "Western Union" telling you that.

ATTENTION: Dr. Stephen T. Colbert,  D.F.A.,

 

 

                 PAYMENT OF YOUR COMPENSATION FUND US$500.000 FROM U.N

 

We the board members and the Payment Department of Eco Bank Nig. Plc On behalf of the United Nations.  We received your email and its fully understand.

We do write these official email to you today been sunday the 30th of december 2007,to make you know that no payment is accepted by mailing/posting whatsoever because we wont accept it.Mr Francis Nolan is angry with you and for all he has done he insisted that you are not serious about your fund and that whatsoever the agreement and order given by the Nigerian Goverment and the United Nations should be carried out of which we dont want you to loose these fund and have tried our best for you and the least we can do for you now is to advice you to go and send the money today through money gram as today is deadline and if you still insist on your own words without taking to our advice just forget the transfer as we will take to order by tommorow.

Just go and send the money through money gram in two places and forget whatsoever because once we receive the fees tommorow we will transfer the fund as tommorow is the deadline given to you and you need to act upon that to avoid delay.Gert back to us if that is taken as we have told you that we did not pick any money neither did Felix as well,so may be the western union seized it ad did not deliver it to the receiver.Just act to our advice and get back to us today once its been sent.  

Take care as we wish you good luck. 

Regards,

Mrs. Osibodu

----------

Of course Western Union seized it!  That's what the e-mail you forwarded me said.  The one that wanted you to go to Ibidan to pick it up, but you refuse to do so!

Either go and pick it up or accept a mailed package, that's it.  I'm done wiring money.

-Stephen

Mrs. Osibodu also left this lovely message for "usman bello" who e-mailed "her" of his dollar chop.

Re: YUA MAGA STEPHEN COLBERT 

YOU DEY FUCK UP. MAKE U LEAVE MY MAGA ALONE GOD GO PUNISH YOU AND YOUR 
FAMILY.I GO CLOSE YOUR BIOS RIGHT NWO WITH MY APSM FILTER AND PLEASE 
FIND DEAD BODY MAKE YOU WASH FOR THERE.I DON WARN YOU. FUK U AND YOUR MOPTHER 
FUCKING IDION.I DEY TRAVEL TO USA NEXT WEEK OK.FUCK YOU

Yeah, that's one unhappy lad :)

The saga of Patrick Duffy goes on

Ernest, new trustworthy bank guy, tells me how I can pay:

Dear Sir
Thank you for the address that is ok, your certificate should be ready by next week Monday, you are advise to send the fee through money Gram Lagos Nigeria with the name of my secretary,
Receive name JOHN EBI
Text question what colour
Text answer Green
Sir, as soon your certificate is pick up from high court, I will dispatch it to you through FedEx or UPS and the tracking number will be sent to you for easy monitory till it get to you and copy will be sent to Dr. Duncan Smith
Best Regards
Mr. Ernest Obi

---------

Dear Ernest,

Thank you.

Is there anyway I can ship the money to you instead of wiring it? After all of the problems with Patrick I am very scared to send money via Western Union or Moneygram ever again.

I know a shipping company that will send it very fast to Nigeria. Your secretary would be able to pick up the money by Tuesday or Wednesday next week.

Sincerely,
Stephen

Alex apologizes . . . again.

Sir
Thanks for accepting my apology; I hereby advise that you should consider your deal with Duncan Smith 100% transparent
I wish you the best
Alex Frank

----------

Alex -

Okay. Have you spoken to Interpol yet?

Sincerely,
Stephen

Because according to Duncan, that's who's after Patrick Duffy.

My Dear Brother

You misunderstand me, I stated on my previous email that Patrick isunder searching by Interpol that as soon we get him we will charge himfor diversion of fund attempt and put him to prison, why you can visithim in person as soon as you confirm your fund from us.

Meanwhile, what is the status? I hope you have given your address toErnest Obi, because I want to make sure that the certificate isdeliver to you to sigh and update us to expedite action

Have a wonderful weekend
Dr. Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

-----------

Dear Duncan,

Oh, I get it now. Okay, that sounds good. I told Alex (who keeps insisting on writing to me btw) that he should talk to interpol too. I think he is the key to finding Patrick, don't you agree? I think it is very smart of you to actually keep Alex working for you, that way if Patrick communicates with him, you will be the first to know.

Now that I think of it, has Interpol thought to look in the shower for Patrick Duffy. I only ask because it seems that Patrick Duffy might be a little fond of the fellas, if you get my drift. I always got that impression from him.

Also, yes I gave my address to Ernest and he is working on things.

Thanks,
Stephen

Eric comes crawling back

Subject: I AM SO SORRY TO BE SO RUDE TO YOU!!!

HELLO GRACE,

HOW ARE YOU DOING, I AM SO SORRY I WAS RUDE TO YOU COS I WAS JUST ANNOYED THAT IS JUST THE CASE.

I WANT TO KNOW IF JOHN REALLY SENT THE MONEY TO THE RIGHT LOCATION.

PLEASE I DONT WANT TO BE EMBARASSED AGAIN AT THE BANK AND ALSO LOOK LIKE A FOOL AGAIN PLZ.

CAN I GO TO THE BANK TO PICK UP THE MONEY AGAIN.

AM WISHING YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

----------

Dear Eric,

Thank you, I accept your apology. Of course John sent the money.

Have you heard from Western Union? They were supposed to be investigating what happened to the transfer.

Sincerely,
Grace

I think the bank of Nigeria and Francis have just about had it

Good Day to you and your family.I want you to know that i received your email and its fully noted.I want you to know that everything that is happening is on your cause and right away the Bank are about terminating your fund and a letter of Termination has been prepared and officially approved by the Nigerian Goverment and the United Nations and you are to know that you dont have time to waste as the Bank are given you a mandamus to send the fees and have your fund transfered or you forget about it as you have today and tommorow to send the money because the lats deadline for all funds to be transfered is the 31st of these month and anything longer than that is void.

So act fast and make sure you g and send the money as instructed by the bank because they wrote to me and said that you are complaining that somebody pulled your money you sent of which i sincerely knows that its only you and the sender that have access to the money sent and no other person as the Bank or Felix Ubaba did not pull the money so you sort that yourself and as i have told you am only doing these because of God.If you are the one dong these you will meet your waterloo but if you are not then Act fast and make sure an arrangement is been made for the transfer to be carried out.

The western Union wrote and what they said amazed me as no western Union offices will ever sound or act that way ,and they said that the fund should be collected in anothe rstate which is IBADAN of which its very far from Lagos Nigeria and time factor matters alot as no one have the chance to travell just to go and pull that money,so think about it as whatever you do have with the western union is just for you,but we are doing our work and i will be travelling to London On tuesday as i have finished my assignment to makesure all fund is transfered.As for you i dont know as you are the cause of your problem and i wont advice you further more since you dont want to take to mine.Your fund is ready for transfer but you still make sure that any fund that is sent should be held by the westren union offices where the money is sent from and that is you and your friend and its over.I have advbcied mine to you.Contact the Bank and make sure the ,money is sent to them or forget the transfer as the final transfer for the year is the 31st of these month and nothing else.

I will await your urgent response as the US$2,700 you sent was pulled by your friend or the so called western union office where the money is sent from and not from here so dont blame anyone here ok.You have your chances now before its late.

If the money is been sent again and still NO MATCH FOUND that means there should be no need of your writting because you will be reported as you have delayed alot and no more time is available for fooling of anyone again ok.You should even be lucky and thanking your God that the bank has been kind to you and also with my influence for not terminating your fund.

Just get back to me as soon as possible and make sure you send the money these time in two places with the same informations given to you by the bank.i await your urgent response.,as you are to contact the bank as well.


Regards,

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Francis Nolan.

You mean you don't want to go to Ibidan Francis? I heard it's lovely this time of year.

ATTENTION: Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.,

PAYMENT OF YOUR COMPENSATION FUND US$500.000 FROM U.N

We the board members and the Payment Department of Eco Bank Nig. Plc On behalf of the United Nations. Do like to let you know that we dont have hands in the money you lost as you should just make sure you find a way to resolve the matter yourself as we did not pull the money and its the western union that should be held responsible as they did hold the money as you can read what they wrote to us and we are forwarding it to you because we can not send anyone to travel to go and pull the money because no tme is left and the journey take about three days so act on that fast.

We have wriitten a LETTER OF TERMINATION OF YOUR FUND and you have to make sure you go and send the required fees to us through money gram as we will be transfering your fund on the 31st of these month and any delay from that we will just go ahead and termitae your fund without delay.We want the best for you but you are delaying and sending people to come into the matter of which if you have made the payment yourself your fund would have been transfered,so go yourself and make the payment and get back to us immediately.

We attached the form for you and please act fast or loose the payment.

Take care as we wish you good luck.

Regards,

Mrs Olufunke Iyabo Osibodu.

General Manager,Ecobank Nigeria Plc

.......................................................................................................................................................................

BELOW IS WHAT WE RECEIVED FROM THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE AND WE DONT HAVE THAT TIME FROM THEM AS THERE IS NO MUCH TIME FOR DELAYS.

It has been identified that an attempt has been made to fraudulently pick up funds intended for Felix Ubaba of Lagos, Nigeria. To enable Felix Ubaba, as the rightful beneficiary of these funds, to collect payment these funds have been placed on hold with our Ibadan office at this address First Bank Of Nigeria, Ibadan, Bank Road Ibadan Branch Opposite Cocoa House PLEASE NOTE THAT THEY WILL ONLY BE HELD FOR A FURTHER TEN DAYS BEFORE THEY ARE REPATRIATED TO THE SENDER. To avoid any further attempts by unauthorised persons to pick up these funds you are required to visit this office in person and present some official form of identification. No one at this this office will discuss details of the payment awaiting collection by telephone for the same reason. Do not reply to this e-mail as it is an automtically generated message and any message will be returned undelivered. IF YOU REQUIRE FURTHER DETAILS OF THE WESTERN UNION SECURITY POLICY YOU MAY RING THE CUSTOMER SERVICE UNIT ON +4 but please note that they will not discuss your specific case to avoid any possibility of your funds being misappropriated by fraudsters. Best Regards Customer Service and Security Northern Hemisphere

-----------

Dear Mrs. Osibodu,

You have got to be kidding me. Western Union says it is holding the money for you and you refused to pick it up? What am I supposed to do now?

I am not about to wire any money through moneygram because how do I know they aren't going to hold it like Western Union?

I suggested an alternative of shipping cash to you in a package, but you don't seem to be responding to that. All I know is that the money is in your country (according to Western Union) and you refuse to go pick it up. So I guess the money is just going to sit there, huh?

It's not my fault that someone tried to pick up the money and so Western Union is holding it. I've gotten a hold of John and Brian and neither of them interrupted the transfer or tried to pick the money up.

I suggest you do what Western Union said in their mail or else let me mail some cash to you because I will not be wiring you any money ever again after this debacle. Either follow directions or forget it.

-Stephen

P.S. I'm not going to write to Francis anymore because he has been very rude!

------------

ATTENTION: Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.,


PAYMENT OF YOUR COMPENSATION FUND US$500.000 FROM U.N

We the board members and the Payment Department of Eco Bank Nig. Plc On behalf of the United Nations. We received your email and its fully understand.

I just want to let you know that i have spoken my words to you and whosoever you are writting to help you get some money will lead you into trouble and you are to know that nobody will go to western union to pick any money ,so you adhere to our instruction or forget about the transfer as we will carry oout the termination by Monday and you just have to stop writting us as you did to Mr Francis Nolan ok.

We will terminate the fund as planned,so good bye and have a nice time.Your payment which you made is not to us and you knows who you made it to as we wont send anyone to go and pick it so you have to follow instructions because we have tried for you and we wont do more than these because you are not serious about your fund.These might be our last email to you ok.Just follow our instructions if you want you Compesation dfund transfered to you.

We are trying to help you but you dont want to help yourself,so if you cant meet to the deadline write to us so that we terminate your fund as we are sure you have seen the Termination Letter.We have told Mr Francis Nolan about your words and he said that we should just go ahead with our actions as you are rude and disobidient and if you try to sendany money to anyone apart from these office you will r egret it and loose more as we are trying to help you but you are taking to your advice.Just take care.

Take care as we wish you good luck.

Regards,

Mrs Olufunke Iyabo Osibodu.
General Manager,Ecobank Nigeria Plc

------------

Dear Mrs. Osibodu,

I'm rude? You're the one accusing me of all sorts of things that I didn't do and you're the one not following directions, if I read what you forwarded me from Western Union correctly.. I followed your instructions. The money was sent to you twice! I didn't write to anyone besides you! I didn't send money to anyone besides who you told me to send it to.

I don't know what is going on. I keep suggesting other ways I might pay but you don't seem to want to reach a solution. I am willing to ship you the money because I don't trust wiring you money anymore. I can ship it via Parcel Direct and Felix can pick it up next week. I even though I might hide the money in something like a scanner so no one will know what is inside and it will be secure. I have sent the money twice through Western Union and twice it has not reached Felix, but it shows it has been picked up. I haven't picked it up. Brian hasn't picked it up. John hasn't picked it up. You say Felix hasn't picked it up. Who picked it up?!?

I'm beginning to think that someone has stolen the money and you are not helping. This whole thing just does not make sense.

-Stephen

Eric is not really happy sent him the second MTCN number

Subject: I AM NOT HAPPY WITH YOU!!!

HELLO GRACE,

I AM NOT HAPPY AT ALL, I AM JUST COMING FROM THE BANK JUST NOW. AND I WAS TOLD THAT THE MONEY WAS NOT SEND TO NIGERIA.

AND I HAVE LOST ABOUT 590 USD AT THE UPS SECIVCE THAT WILL DELIVERED THE graphic TO YOU . NOW THE graphic IS NOW IN PARIS IT WILL GET TO YOU THERE BY 75 HOUR FOR NOW.

NOW THE AMOUNT HAS BEEN INCREASE TO USD 300, AND I TOLD JOHN TO AND PICK UP THE MONEY.

PLEASE LOOK AT THE INFORMATION BELOW VERY WELL. AND YOU ARE TO SEND THE MONEY TO NIGERIA NOT NIGER OK.

NOTE::: TELL JOHN TO GO AND RESEND THE MONEY TODAY IS IT VERY URGENT, COS I AM ONLINE WITH THE WESTER UNOIN AND I WAS TOLD THAT THE MONEY IS THERE FOR RECIVER TO PICK UP. PLEASE TELL JOHN THAT IT CAN ALSO SEND THE MONET THROUGH MONEY GRAM ALSO OK.

AND JOHN TO GO AND SEND THE MONET TODAY OK..

COS I CAN CALL BACK THE graphic, cos i dont understand you
anymore.
from
eric donland

I love it when they use huge font as a sign of displeasure :)

Dear Eric,

First of all, don't shout at me, it's rude.

Second, I did not tell you to ship anything to me yet. I thought you would scan it and e-mail it to me. And if you you paid $590 to ship it, you were ripped off. You should really talk to UPS about that, there's no way shipping a few pieces of paper would cost that much to ship.

Third, me calling John won't do any good. I already talked to him and he did send it to Nigeria. Twice. And the first payment was picked up by someone. If you didn't get it, then who did. I am going to call Western Union to investigate this. I'll give them your e-mail too. Please let me know when you hear from them. Something fishy is going on here.

Sincerely,
Grace

John is the secretary of the friend who originally "sent" the money btw. Eric will also get an e-mail from "Western Union" telling him he has to go to Ibadan if he wants to pick it up. Let's hope Eric is more willing than Mrs. Osibodu to take a little trip.

Ernest? Who the heck is Ernest?

Patrick Duffy has not written to me to respond to the charges leveled by his boss Duncan, but Alex does. I give Alex Duncan's message to him.

Sir
From Alex Frank,
Pleased am here to inform you that Patrick Duffy has diversion intention; I have to be 100% sincere to you sir, because of the pressure mounted on me by Dr Duncan Smith, President of HSBC Bank UK. Please he use your money for processing of the release of your fund but after it he will divert your fund due to the fact that you don’t have Fund Ownership certificate in your file.
Please for the sake of God, Work with Duncan Smith only and he will release your fund peacefully to your account.
Am no longer with him because I don’t want to loose my job
God Bless you
Alex Frank

Alex, didn't you get the memo? Duncan likes you even less than Patrick. And I still don't know what "diversion intention" is. I hope Patrick can take something for it.

Dear Alex,

There is a problem. Duncan said you have "diversion intention" too. He said not to talk to you, so I guess I can't e-mail you anymore.

He also said to tell you that you are not God, whatever that means. I guess there are issues between the two of you.

Bye,
Stephen

----------

My dear brotherI don?t like repeating words, the money he took from you is illegalcharge to HSBC Bank, but after meeting today, we have resolve that themoney you sent to him will be refund back to you with your principalfund that will be transfer to your account, okay do not worry as I amhere to protect your interest, do what I ask you to do so that we willremit your account immediately, Meanwhile, I spoke to Ernest thisevening and he promise to mail you with the modality to send the moneyto him so that he will get the certificate dispatch to your addressimmediately.Please respond quickly as soon as you heard from him
Regards
Dr Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

-----------

My dear brother
Have you heard from Ernest? Please revert immediately as there is nomuch time in our favour, Mr. Johns encounter this kind of problem andtoday his happy? You can reach him on 866-725-3007, his a very goodfriend of my because he listen to my advise.I wait to hear from you now so that I will have clue on how to credityour account immediately.
Regards
Dr.Duncan Smith

Nope, haven't heard from an Ernest yet. But with all of the new characters you're introducing, I'm sure I'll hear from him soon.

Duncan,

I did not hear from Ernest, but I did hear from Alex. I remember you said Alex was a shady character like Patrick. I told him what you told me to tell him, that he isn't God. I also told him not to e-mail me anymore based on what you told me in your first e-mail?

Who the heck is Ernest?

Sincerely,
Stephen

Enter Ernest

Sir
My name is Mr. Ernest Obi; I was instructed by Dr. Duncan Smith, President of HSBC Bank UK, to apply on your behalf the certificate of fund ownership that will value the total sum that will be release to your account soon,
Meanwhile, I have notify him on telephone discussion the cost both shipping of the certificate to your door step, So you are advise due to the urgency to send the money through western union Lagos Nigeria
Receive Name JOHN EBI
Text Question what colour
Text Answer Green
Amount USD 620 only
Upon the confirmation of this fee, the Fund Ownership Certificate will be obtain immediately and your address is highly needed as we will deliver it to your door step through FedEx delivery Service with the tracking number of the parcel arriving from the base.
Please feel free to contact me if there is any question to ask,
God Bless you
Mr. Ernest Obi

Maybe Ernest will go for this box idea?

Dear Ernest,

Hello. Nice to meet you.

I'm a bit concerned about sending money via Western Union after what has happened recently. It does not seem to be as secure a system as I once thought it was.

Is there anyway I could ship you the money?

Sincerely,
Stephen

Duncan writes back to clarify this whole Patrick/Alex mess. Or at least he tries.

My dear brother

Thank you very much for your mail and your understanding, I am workinghard to make sure that you follow due process to avoid any furtherdelay, Mr. Ernest is in position to get the Fund Ownership Certificateon your behalf since I know that due to your job that you cannot beable to report in person for immediate collection as that certificateis so important and for security purpose, he will get the certificateto you and dispatch it to your given address,

Meanwhile, Mr. Alex Frank with Patrick was investigated yesterday andwe couldn?t find Patrick who is the pillar of all this mess, weconfronted Alex and he promise that he will never involve himself insuch act and he took oath on that to reassure us that whenever suchthing happened we should put him to jail. And he sends an apologyletter to HSBC. But Patrick is confuse because he never knew that Iwill get that information after spending four days leave at home, Somy dear brother, the ball is on your cut now, just follow myinstruction, reconfirm to me your banking information to avoid wrongtransfer and get in touch with Ernest for the certificate only so thatI will put smile on your face.
Have a wonderful weekend

Dr. Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

Heh, I like you Duncan. You're funny.

Dear Duncan,

Thank you. I did receive an e-mail from Ernest and I wrote back to him.

So about Patrick. Are you saying he is missing and that he took off with the money? Have you sent the authorities after him?

Sincerely,
Stephen

I'll keep talking to Ernest, but I want Duncan to tell me more about the evil Patrick Duffy :)

My Dear Brother
Thank you for adhere strictly on my instruction and I promise you that
you will never regret dealing with me, Patrick is nowhere to be fund
in case if he persist in sending mails to you, make sure you forward
it to me okay, because I have forward his name to Interpol for
thorough searching, and I believe that before second week of next
month we must get him to be cooling in cell.
Don?t worry all your incessant worries we soon be over and you come
and visit him in prison

Have a wonderful weekend
Dr. Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

-----------

Dear Duncan

Why would I want to go to prison?

Sincerely,

Stephen

Meanwhile, Ernest writes back to tell me to use Moneygram. Yeah, like that's going to happen.And Alex writes back to apologize.

Sir
Please forgive and forget, my joy is Dr Duncan Smith will handle your file to your best satisfaction, so you have noting to worry than to comply with him so that you will have a very sound successful transaction and be happy till the rest of your life.
I wish the best in this holiday
Alex Frank

-----------

Dear Alex,

Thank you, but I still think I am not allowed to talk to you. If you know where Patrick is, I suggest that you tell Duncan right away before Patrick gets you into more trouble.

I hope Ernest is not doing anything bad. I would hate for something to happen to Ernest.

Sincerely,
Stephen

On the 8th day . . .

Well, to quote Mrs. Osibodu, everything is a mess :)

Subject: ECO BANK NIGERIA PLC /GO AND PULL THE MONEY AND SEND IT THROUGH MONEY GRAM

We the board members and the Payment Department of Eco Bank Nig. Plc On behalf of the United Nations. Do like to let you know that you should go and pull the money today and send it through money gram as you have today to make the payment because with what the western union wrote to us everything is in a mess and we wont allow that to delay us so you better find a way out.

You should make sure you go and pull the money and send it in two places in amount of US$750 AND US$600 and then send the two control number to us immediately.We dont want any delay from you as you shoukd act fast on that.We will await your urgent response as you should go and make the payment yourself and not anyone ok,just get back to us and use the payment details given to you by us and make the two payment to us without delay.

We look forward to your response as the western union here told us that the money should be pulled today and sent again of which we advice you use money gram these time.we are given you grace of now and tommorrow or else we wont respond to you anymore.

Take care as we wish you good luck.

Regards,
Mrs Olufunke Iyabo Osibodu.
General Manager,Ecobank Nigeria Plc

-------------

Dear Mrs. Osibodu,

What do you mean everything is a mess? What did Western Union tell you? I was told they would investigate. What did they say?

Why would Western Union tell you to use another service? That doesn't make any sense. I've already sent you the payment twice with two MTCN numbers! The first payment has been picked up by someone, but you say that you don't have it.

Something weird is going on with you guys and I don't like it one bit. I've already sent $2,700 worth of money orders to you over the past few days and now you want me to send more! The man at Western Union that I called said he would investigate and tell you what to do. What do you mean everything is a mess? I suggest that you follow his instructions and get this sorted out.

I'm already out $2,700 over this mess and you don't seem to be helping at all.

What do you want me to do? Ship the cash to you in a box!

Sincerely,
Stephen

Yes, please say I can ship it to you in a box! :)

We the board members and the Payment Department of Eco Bank Nig. Plc On behalf of the United Nations. Do like to let you know that you should go and pull the money today and send it through money gram as we are only trying to help matters straighten out for you.We have called the western union offices here and theior head office and what they said is that we should contact the sender and that he should go and pull the money.Please for security reasons and for these transfer not to go into a wrong hands just for mistakes caused by you or your friend we advice you try your best and go and poull the money yourself and make sure you send it as instyructed in two places with the same informations given to you.

Also we want you to know that we have extended your deadline till monday morning and you have now and sunday morning to make sure the money is pulled as that was what we told your friend when the first money was sent but he was not available but thank god you are now around to sort matters well.We are working well for you and we dont want you to losoe everything.The western union told us it will take 15 days and time wont allow that as you must pull the m,oney because we want to make sure your fund is transfered.Dont be tired or fell bad about these as we are working hard fro you but you dont understand the pressuere we are facing here,so act to our instructions and make sure things goes well for you.Just go and pull the money now and send it through koney gram ok.

You should make sure you go and pull the money and send it in two places in amount of US$750 AND US$600 and then send the two control number to us immediately.We dont want any delay from you as you shoukd act fast on that.We will await your urgent response as you should go and make the payment yourself and not anyone ok,just get back to us and use the payment details given to you by us and make the two payment to us without delay. We did not cause the lost of the first payment as your friend did and anything that happens to these one you will have it yourself as we have adviced you now.

Take care as we wish you good luck.

Regards,
Mrs Olufunke Iyabo Osibodu.
General Manager,Ecobank Nigeria Plc

Oh no! What this? It appears that the second MTCN number shows that the money has once again been "picked up".

Dear Mrs. Osibodu,

Something really strange is going on here. I just checked the second MTCN number online and it has also been picked up! Someone has gotten both payments I sent to you! You can check it yourself and see.

That's now $2,700 that I have sent that someone has gotten, but you say it isn't you. Either you are being dishonest and stealing from me, or someone is stealing from the both of us.

This is getting ridiculous. I don't think I trust sending money via transfer anymore. I was not serious in my last e-mail when I suggested shipping the money to you in a box, but now I'm thinking that is not such a bad idea.

Sincerely,
Stephen

Eric is really happy I sent him a second MTCN number

HELLO GRACEJONES,

THANKS FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE. I AM SO HAPPY TO READ THIS EMAIL FROM YOU.

WELL I WILL BE GOING TO THE BANK TOMMORROW TO RECEIVE THE MONEY.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU , AND I WISH A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

FROM ERIC DONLAND

Too bad that number doesn't work either. Oh well, you'll find that out tomorrow Eric.

Harrison Ford finally writes back

He must have been busy working on the sequel to the Star Wars holiday special ;)

Dear Mr. Ford,

Well, what are your findings? What did the bank say?

Sincerely,
Eli

--------

Subject: Re: Still Working out a plan.

Dear Eli,

How are you doing; thanks for writing me once again as you may understand I am working to make sure that we do not have problem as in getting the funds been paid through another clearing house.
As with the present bank due to what you write and the query I received they are not willing to address the issue rather nullify your application but with my new arrangement the fund will be transferred through another means which is what I am working out the modalities.
When the time come I will let you know but will advice that you set ready for the new arrangement.
I will write you again as soon as it is done and I hope you did celebrate your Christmas holiday in peace.

Thanks and have a good day.
Mr. Harrison Ford

Maybe he does like Western Union after all? I bet this "new modality" will involve me sending him an MTCN number.

Dear Harrison,

Thanks for getting back to me. My Christmas was good. My company did well. It's not over yet though. We still have a difficult season ahead.

Sincerely,
Eli

Only 4 Western Unions?

Mrs. Osibodu/Franics/Felix has been making the rounds to different Western Union's today and he is starting to get a little peeved about it. :)

ATTENTION: Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.,And secretary

We the board members and the Payment Department of Eco Bank Nig. Plc On behalf of the United Nations. Do like to let you know that you are just playing mere games with yourself and not us as you really knows what is happening to the sending of the fees and if care is not taking well of these might be our last email to ou and e will be carrying out the termination of the fund by tommorow afternoon as you have been warned and yet you still do the same thing.

We have confirmed from Mr Felix Ubaba who just arrived from four different location where he tried to pull the money and they said to him that NO MATCH FOUND of which you are to be held responsible for ay damages of the fees you sent,why do you still insist on sending people,do you know what you are doing or do you want to loose the Compesation Fund.You are warned and if you know what is good for you just try and call the secretary and make sure he goes to where he made the payment and instruct them to allow the receiver to pull themoney because they have not transfered the money and its now showing in the western union offices system here as nothing is found and it shows NO MATHC FOUND.

So act fast now as we still tracked it online and it show ready for pick up y receiver but its only over there that its showing and for here its not showing as the corection needs to be made over there.We wont accept these anymore,so if you can just look for the secretary do that and make sure you both go and tell them to allow the money for coolection because once today past and the fees is not yet eceive just dont bother to write as we will send you your termination letter ,so its on you now.Why cant you just send the money yourself.We tried every numbers you gave us but its not going and we wont acpet that because you are the one that is been compesated and not them,so rectify the problem and get back to us or better still the money needs to be pulled and sent through money gram without delay.send it yourself and if anyoneelse is been sent by you to make the payment just forget about it.

These letter is sent to you and the secretary and he needs to read it and get back to you immediately for corections to be made ,We have tried our best and no one will make us to still delay any transfer.If you are the one doing these you better stop it and look for what to do ok.We are not here for joke and its serious business and if you continue these way you might end up been in trouble.So STOP IT and make sure everything is done today.Go ith the secretary. to the western Union and make sure the correction is made as we dont see any MATCH FOUND HERE.

Mr Felix is here and no money has been pulled as we are very much sure you caused the first payment and you knows about it,so act fast now as the deadline is today.we are reminding you that we wont accpet fees sent by anyone else than you so go and do it yourself

Take care as we wish you good luck.

Regards,
Mrs Olufunke Iyabo Osibodu.
General Manager,Ecobank Nigeria Plc

------------

Subject: PLEAE AN URGENT ATTENTION IS NEEDED.

Good Day to you and your family.I want you to know that i received your email and the same complaint still goes NO MATCH FOUND.Why are you causing delay with your hand,you are now on your own since you dont want to listen to my advice,its left for you.My advice is that if the fees is not received today i wont write to you as i have other things to do and i have tried my best for you and you dont want to listen.

You have to go and find your friend and make sure you both rectify the problem as i have informed the bank to give you today and you just go and send the money yourselfor what is wrong in that.I am doing my best for you but you are not taking to my advice.i cant spend my bills calling somebody who does not picks his phone and i wont be among thiose that will be droping voicemail ,so do something about it and get back to me now,or forget the transfer as am sure the bank must have informed you about that.

I want you to go and send the money yourself or if its to pull its and send it is two places that would be better,so take to my advice and get back to me immediately.you can better still pull the money if that is the problem and send it through money gram.if that is ok then get back to me as soon as possible.

i like to know if may be its the location used in making the payment if its correct,its LAGOS NIGERIA and please if its correct that means its from the office the money is been sent from.So act upon these now.Please you have to reach the secretary now because am sending it to him as well and make sure everything is done today.

i await your urgent response.,as you are to contact the bank as well.

Regards, Yours faithfully,Mr. Francis Nolan

------------

Dear Stephen Colbert,

i am attaching the page of the Western Union to you and you must take it to there office and rectify the problem,if its to go and pull it then go.the main problem now is that the money is not showing here in there office and its showing NO MATCH FOUND,that means definitely its from the place the money is sent from,why not cll customer care line on there website and tell them the problem because we have tried our best.

Call their number now and rectify the fault nd get back to me and the bank now.or else just forget the transfer.You have to make sure the fault is rectified or the money is pulled because we wont be accuse neither will Mr Felix Ubaba be accused of any lost money that you sent,so act fast now.

Regards,
Mr Francis Nolan

------------

Dear Francis,

Thank you for your e-mail. I still do not understand what the problem is as I see the money is ready to be picked up when I check online.

I will call Western Union myself as you recommended and talk to them to see what the problem is. Maybe they can figure it out.

Sincerely,
Stephen

This is a perfect opportunity for a fake Western Union intervention, isn't it? ;)

Mrs. Osibodu,

I just wanted to let you know that Francis told me to call Western Union customer care. I called them an hour ago and gave them your e-mail. They said they would investigate the matter.

I hope they can figure the problem out. I am getting really worried that something has happened.

Sincerely,
Stephen

"Western Union" has sent them an e-mail telling them they have to go to Ibadan, Nigeria to pick it up - which is about 78 miles from Lagos :)

One the 7th day of Lad-mas, my true love gave to me . . . a dollar chop?

Well, this is interesting. It looks like I'm in the middle of a real attempted dollar chop:

Subject: WE WICH YOU THE BEST IN THIS XMAS AND IS MY WISH TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU CELEBRATE NEW YEAR WITH YOUR MILLIONS

Kind Attention Stephen Colbert

This is to inform you that the HSBC Bank Authority have been mandatedby World Bank Group to credit your account under 24hrs as soon as yourelease your banking details to us,Nevertheless, we heard that you have send money to Frank Alex inregards of your fund release, maybe he has other interests indiverting your funds or maybe, he enjoys extorting monies from youwithout results. I can only advice you to be independent in decisionsand imaginations in life. It will be the begginning of yourbreakthrough.
Your File from the Presidency to us indicates that your payment hasbeen unpaid due to incompetence handling and on record; we observedthat you have already paid for almost all charges legally binding yourtransaction prior to collection. Stop wasting your money henceforth onanybody, be it Alex or Paul or even myself.
Get your fund immediately and end your incessant monetary worriesbefore it becomes too late. When you confirm your fund, you canwithdraw funds from it and then you can tell Alex that he is not GODand must not claim to be righteous in everything, after all, no man isperfect.
Stop revealing our communication to him until you get the fund andstart withdrawing from it. This is very important so that he will notdeceive or confuse you. For months now without receiving this moneywith Alex or Patrick Duffy, you must not put your egg in one basket.Try this way and be relieved because others have been enjoying ourgood transparent services. Sir, you are rest assure that the HSBC Bankwill credit your account immediately you release your banking detailsto our telex department officials email, please don?t fail and let medrop a word of advise to you, if any bank that have access to yourfund has the legal right to deduct and credit your balance withoutrequesting for more fee from you okay, I will love to help you so thatI will take up glory from almighty God, if we receive your bankinformation today by 12noon London time tomorrow your transfer slipwill be release to enable you confirm your fund in the next threebanking working days, after thorough checking we find out that you arenot dealing with any HSBC Bank branch that is why we quickly interfereon your file to avoid wasting of your money, I am writing to you nowfrom HSBC Bank Head office in UK. So don?t ignore this massage foryour own good..
Urgency is very important.

Regards,
Dr. Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

Hmm. Either Patrick Duffy is trying a new tactic, or someone really doesn't like him and is trying to chop his dollar.

Dear Duncan,

Are you saying what I think you are saying? Are Alex and Patrick Duff internet scammers?!

That would explain why the money I sent them shows on the Western Union website that it has been picked up and yet they said they had not received the money! I think they were doing this so they could get paid twice! It all makes sense now.

Please, how can you help me?

Sincerely,
Stephen

Well, maybe "internet scammers" are too harsh, at least according to Duncan.

Subject: TREAT URGENT

My Dear Brother

Thank you very much for your immediate response, Listen I did not saidthat Duffy or Alex are internet scammers, rather, we knew them asdiversion expert, after all the requirement to enable you havesuccessful of your fund, they will immediately transfer your fund totheir foreign counterpart and proceed immediately for sharing,Nevertheless, I thank God So much that we get inform by monitoryagency and expedite action by notifying you early, All you should donow is to obtain Fund Ownership Certificate from Federal High Court ofNigeria where your fund is originated from so that we will transferfund immediately to your account within 24hrs without any hitch attachto it and in that certificate the source of your fund will be put inwriting so that you will confirm your fund when transfer without beingquestion by USA government on how you are in possession of the saidfund, Again, after our brief meeting yesterday we find out that yourfile is mess up by them and to avoid intervention of your fund ontransit by any monitory agent, we have to get fund ownership on yourname and send copy to you by attach with the transfer slip so thatyou can go to your bank and present it for immediate confirmation,okay, please contact Chairman of the contract award for this verycertificate while you forward your bank information to enable meprogram for the transfer by swift to your account.Contact Personal Email *****Tel,234**** please emails him immediately and I will also talk tohim on your behalf so that he will get the certificate before Saturdaythis week due to time frame. Because without this very certificate asthey have expose your file your fund will be stop on transit and theHSBC Bank Authority will not tolerate delay on transit afterconfirmation date is given to you by transfer Slip. TAKE NOTE: STOPFURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH THEM UNTILLS YOU CONFIRM YOUR FUND.
Waiting to hear from you
Dr. Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

Not so fast Duncan. I still want to know what happened to the non-existent money that I did not really send ;)

Dear Duncan,

Don't worry, I haven't written them since I got your first e-mail.

I am a bit confused though. If they are not internet scammers, what happened to the money that I sent them. Someone picked it up. Where is the money?

Sincerely,
Stephen

----------

My dear brother

Thank you very much for the question, but meanwhile, the HSBC Bankauthority have investigated over the lost fee that you sent and waslater release the reason why the fee was hang is because Rev Patrickknew that is illegal for him who claim to be part of HSBC to collectfee from beneficiary without the submission of your Fund Ownership asit is stated in the law guiding any banks in UK, We all have mandatedthat before any transaction can be process, the owner of the said fundmust present fund ownership certificate that is legally endorse by anycountry of the origin of the fund, So my dear brother, am here toinform you that we do not accept up from fee as long as we are inpossession of your fund, So all you should do now for your own goodand the quick release of your fund is to get the certificate fromNigeria, because I can see the reason why you are contacted as thebeneficiary of this fund without any evidence to proof, no courtclearance, So my dear brother, Is quite understanding that I have notseen you before but I always believe that Good Turn Deserve Another, Imight need your help tomorrow like I have two daughters that isinterested to school in American which is not yet approve by me due tothe fact that I have no relative or friends where I can keep them totake proper care of them.Please if you contact Ernest Obi, with your address and your fullname, it will not cost you more than USD640 including the deliveryfee, because if he get it he will dispatch it to your door step sothat you will receive it original and sigh and enough confidence willnot bestow on you as the rightful owner of this fund and you enjoy ittill the rest of your life.Thank you so much for the kind understanding
Regards

Dr Duncan Smith
President of HSBC Bank UK

Since when was Patrick a reverend?!?

Dear Duncan,

So Patrick has my money? Is that what you are saying?

Sincerely,
Stephen

Speaking of dollar chops, Steve Wickers/Alf is about to get his.

Attention: Mr. Stewie Griffin

Please know now that we did not receive the money from them. It might have been recalled by your friend who sent it on your behalf or you can call the western union agent who sent the money for you. The funds are in their system but they have placed hold on the funds. You can view it over their website but when our account's clerk went there she was told "No match found" even before filling in her name. I am here to assist you and I have no reason to create more delays in this account opening exercise. They might have sent it to a different location which means that you can view it but it is adsent in the western union UK data base. Please ask your friend to give them a call and tell them correct her name and to release the money to her without delay. We await your quick reply.

Best wishes,

Steve Wickers

---------

Dear Mr. Wickers,

But the money has been picked up! My friend did not recall it. Someone has picked it up.

What is the meaning of this?

Sincerely,
Stewie

Steve should soon be getting an e-mail from another baiter (HJF) posing as "Usman Bello" - famous for dollar chopping other lads. Should be fun. HJF sends him this:

HOW U DEY JOBLESS IDIOT, WHY DON'T YOU FIND A REAL JOB LIKE PUSHING TRUCK INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR TIME THINKING YOU CAN COME AGAINST A PERSON OF MY INTELLIGENCE...YOU ARE A SMALL BOY THAT SPEND ALL YOUR TIME WRITING AND SENDING ALL THESE STUPID MAILS TO YOUR MAGA WHILE I MAKE MORE PROGRESS WITH MY LIFE AND EAT YOUR MONEY IN THE END. YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST, BUT I AM THE ONE WHO HAS THE VICTORY OK. YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GETTING MONEY WELL I DEY CHOP YOUR MAGA THIS STEWIE GRIFFIN OK. YOU WILL REMAIN POOR WHILE I LIVE ON YOUR SWEAT

On the sixth day . . .

I (Stephen) admit the error of my ways, and try to send the money again to Francis and Mrs. Osibodu.

Subject: MERRY CHRISTMAS/NO FUND IS PULLED HERE.ACT FAST OR FORGET THE TRANSFER

Good Day to you and your family. I do like to let you know that i received your email and i am very happy that you wrote immediately.I want you to know that Mr Felix Ubaba never pulled the money neither did the bank as well,so whatever happened to the money i think you should hold your friend Responsible for it and i want you to treat this matter seriously and make sure you dont make mistake on what you are doing.

The bank called me and they told me that you have to go and send the fees yourself to avoid any mistakes from anyone these time as the bank called the western union customer care line and they said that the sender should go to where he made the payment to to find out who pulled the money and also make sure the whole problem is rectify.I want you to know that you are to use the payment details and location including the text question given to you by the bank to go and make the payment as you are on the right side and you must make sure whosoever you want to send these time does not make mistake these time because you have today to send the money or at least tommorrow morning so that by friday your fund will be transfered to you ok.

I just want you to contact the bank and send the money and get back to me once that is done.and please make sure you contact your friend to make sure he finds out who pulled the money.

Regards,
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Francis Nolan

------------

Dear Francis,

I guess you are correct. We are still trying to figure out who picked up the payment, but I've decided to go ahead and send you another payment while we straighten everything out with the first payment. I've instructed my friend's secretary to resend the money to you.

The new MTCN number is *****

I told he to be very careful how he sends it. If you need to reach him, his e-mail is ***

I hope this finally settles our transaction and you will be sending me my money soon.

Sincerely,
Stephen

---------

Good Day to you and your family.I want you to know that i do received your emnail and am greatfull you wrote on time and i want you to know that you are to contact the bank and send the full payment details to them as i am not the one to receive it but the bank.I want you to try your best to make sure you find out who pulled the money and get back to me as i am here to give you an helping hands.

Also i want you to know that i have contacted the secretary and i have written to him to send the full payment details to me and the bank as well and please i want you to know that its your last chance and i dont want any hinderance to rise these time as your fund is going to be transfered to your account by friday morning so do make sure everything is straighten out as i will let the bank know about the sending of the fees from you,but you have to contact them and send the full payment details your friend used in sending the money ok.

At least by tommorow Mr Felix Ubaba will be going to the bank to pull the money but you have to send the state and city where the money is sent from as the western union always demand of it from Mr Felix Ubaba,ok.Send it to the bank and write to me once that is done

Regards,
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Francis Nolan

------------

Dear Francis,

Okay, I will forward the information to the bank.

Sincerely,
Stephen

-----------

Good Day to you and your family.I have written to your friend and i asked him to confirm if he made any mistake and please take care of that.The bankwill contact you and please do confirm to me the full details you are sending to the bank ok.I will get back to you soonest.Please the CITY AND STATE IS IMPORTANT.i await your urgent response.

Regards,
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Francis Nolan

Great, I don't know which made up city/state to use. I'll stick with Delaware.

Dear Francis,

I'm not sure which city. Willmington I think, but he could have gone somewhere else. I'm sure he can confirm it for you.

I sent his name and MTCN to the bank.

Sincerely,
Stephen

Oh no, the bank feels left out :(

We the board members and the Payment Department of Eco Bank Nig. Plc On behalf of the United Nations. I personally want to inform you that Mr Francis Nolan just wrote to me and told me that you sent an MTCN number of the fees you sent and we like to correct you on that because we are the one carrying out trhe transfer and you are supposed to write to us ,we are telling you these because your fund is now placed on transfer and below is your banking details and your address where wer will transfer the fund.

Please do respond now and make sure no delay is caused by you as we await your urgent response and we hope everything goes well as Mr Felix Ubaba will go to the Bank tommorow morning to pull the money as we want you to know that we will make sure your fund is transfered and we like you to know that everything is in order.
As per your first payment which you sent we want you to try and figure out who pulled the money and get us informed as we are working hard with you to see that your fund is transfered and nothings happens.

Mrs Olufunke Iyabo Osibodu.

Who pulled the money? Usman Bello, isn't that obvious. He always chops everyone dollar. He's the dollar chopper. Don't worry bank, you'll get an e-mail from him soon.

And they couldn't reach the secretary today, so I just told them the money was sent from Wilmington . . . or Dover. Whichever floats their boat.

I also hear back from Eric "I AM NOT A TERRORIST" Donald:

Attention:: Grace Jones.

Your email had been received and it contents was well noted as well. I want you to be inform that i had been able to get intouch with the western union agent in which you instructed me to get intouch with but the agent kept asking me strange questions. I want you to be inform and notifiy that the payment was not picked up by me. You are advice to send your friend to procced to western in which the payment was made to know what is stuiation over there. The accuntant general officer who is to go and receive the payment on getting there the fee in which was sent had been already being picked up.

You are advice to contact the western union agent with immediate effect because i do nto understand what is the development. Do that immediate and get back to me to enable us to finalize this transaction.

Your Affectionalty,
Eric Donland

"Affectionalty"? Aww, I think somebody has a crush on somebody, even though "Affectionalty" is not a word.

Dear Eric,

Now I'm really confused. If you did not pick up the money, then who did? My friend trying to figure that out right now with Western Union. He said they asked him a lot of questions to. I guess it's because of the threat of terrorism or something like that. I don't really understand it.

Anyway, while my friend is trying to figure that out, he sent his secretary to try to send you the money again. The new MTCN number is ****

I hope despite everything that you had a nice Christmas.

Sincerely,
Grace

On the fifth day of Lad-mas

Not as many e-mails today (I guess they're waiting until Monday to find out that their dollar has been chopped).

Just a few e-mails from Francis and Mrs. Osibodu.

Subject:  MERRY CHRISTMAS/NO FUND IS PULLED HERE.ACT FAST OR FORGET THE TRANSFER

Dear Mr Stephen Colbert ,

 REF/PAYMENTS CODE: TRASNFER#0662167 US$500,000

 Good Day to you and your family. I do like to let you know that i received your email and i am very happy that you wrote immediately.I am supposed to be with my family for the festive holiday but because your fund and other two beneficiaries as well are yet to receive their fund of which they promised to send their balance of the payment to the Bank and i want you to know as well  that you are just joking and the fund which you said have been pulled is never piucked up by me or the Bank as i am sure you knwos what you are doing.

You better get to your friend and get him informed immediately as you have to make sure you both go to the Western Union and find a way for whosoever might have picked the money because the bank told me that they did not pull the money and also the Western Union told them to contact the sender of which all the payment details are still with the Bank and they will conatcft you officially too because you have now and thursday morning to send the money or just forget about the transfer as your name is among the two beneficiries that their fund will be transfered these year ending and once these week ends and you do fail to make the payment by thursday morning,just dont bother to write to me or the bank as all fund left will be terminated.

You have been given a long rope to climb but you are taking it to be mere joke and it will happen just like that.You have to contact your friend and make sure he finds a solution to the answer of whosoever might have pulled the money because you dont have time to waste and i even thought you have pulled the money and sent as i saw two emails in my inbox but it was unfortunate that you said someone has pulled the money of which you have to go to where the money is sent by your friend and you must go along with him to confirm who pulled the money.

You are to contact the bank and make sure you Re-send the money to them with the informations given to you or just forget the fund as you will loose it and its no big deal.I am trying for you but you are not.You have now and thursday as deadline as it has been marked by the United Nations and the Nigerian Goverment,find a way to send the fees by thursday and make sure these time its not by anybody else that you will send,go yourself.The western Union told Mr Felix Ubaba that there is no mathc found of which its you or your friend that understand what happens to the fund as no fund was pulled here.Contact the western Union and they will show you the name or details of whosoever pulled the money and then you will know what to do next,but my advice to you is that you go and make sure you send the fees again to the bank or forget the fund.
 
I want you to know that the number isn not going and if you can not rectify the problem dont ever write to me as i take you as someone trusted for me to help you get your fund but you want to delay.You are the one to contact your friend or whosoever not me or the bank as we dont know them and you knows what is happening so go contact them because you sent them ok.We will not call anyone again as we dont have that time anymore to waste if you cant send the fees or contyact your friend just forget the fund and stay where you are ok.

Just try and make sure everything is done and get back to me immediately.
 
I await your urgent response. 
 
Regards, 

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Francis Nolan.

-----------

Dear Francis,

I really have no idea what you are talking about, if you did not pickup the money then who did?  Did you call Western Union?

Please give me some information on what has happened.  My friend John can send you some more money tomorrow, but I would really like to know what has happened to the money I already sent.

I better not have been scammed again!

Sincerely,

Stephen

Another MTCN is ready and waiting for Monday if they want to make the trip again.

I AM NOT A TERRORIST!

That is what Eric wants the Western Union agent he calls to know.  Big thanks to baiter A. Skinner for playing the part of the Western Union agent (I love the southern drawl too :) ).

Said agent wants Eric to answer some security questions and state emphatically that Eric is not a terrorist.

Whether Eric is really drunk or not, well I'll leave that up to the listener.

On the fourth day of Lad-mas . . .

The MTCN number's status on the Western Union website has magically changed to "picked up" even though the lads have not gotten near the money. What, oh what, could have happened?  And what will the lads do when they find out that someone has picked up their money?

Dear Colbert,

Please correct the problem so that Mike James will collect the money to enable us conclude now. Urgency is needed.

Awaiting,

Patrick Duffy

-----------

Dear Patrick,

I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but it's Christmas Eve and I was so busy.

I guess it doesn't matter know as I see on the Western Union website that you've been able to collect the money.

Now that you have your payment, please let me know when we can finish our deal.

Sincerely,

Stephen

-----

Dear Eric,

I see you have picked up the money and I'm glad everything worked out okay.  Sorry for the delay.  

When will I be getting your drawing of an angry squirrel for our band's promo poster?

Sincerely,

Grace

-----

Dear Francis,

I guess you got ahold of Western Union or Brian because I checked on the Western Union website and I see that you have picked up the money.  When will I get my compensation check from you now?

Sincerely,

Stephen

"Joy" , Alf & Raphael got a similar e-mail.  I can't wait to read their reactions.

P.S.  Sorry for the change in font.  I just got a MacBook and am still learning how to use it.

On the third day of Lad-mas . . .

I got one confused pope scammer ;)

Sir,the money you sent did not match any transaction.Please Kindly check and resend it so that we can finalise the release of the funds.

Thanks.
Rapheal Osuji.

Finally made the trip to Western Union, huh Raphael?

Dear Raphael,

I am confused. I checked the MTCN number online and it said the money is ready for pickup. I don't know what the problem is.

Can you call my friend and talk to him? He made the payment for me. I am going out of town tomorrow to visit my relatives for Christmas, so I'd appreciate it if you could call him. His number is ***.

Sincerely,
Stephen

----------

baby.

Mr Rapheal called me and told me that he came back and tried to collect that money and they told him at the western union office that the money is not available.

He says that you should ask your freind where he sent the money to because the money is available at the website and the telephone confirmation but it did not match to Nigerian transaction.

Maybe you should call the money back and resend it yourself and make sure everthing goes well.

Thank you my prince.

Love you more.

Lisa.

--------------

Lisa,

I just e-mailed Raphael. I am confused because I checked the MTCN number online and it says the money is ready for pick-up. I don't know why Raphael didn't pick it up. I asked him to call my friend who made the payment for me.

I will be out of town tomorrow to visit relatives for Christmas, but I should be back late Monday or Tuesday. Don't worry, I'm sure it was just a typo or a small mistake. Everything will work out.

Love,
Stephen

Eric is still also having trouble.

HELLO GRACE,

HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE , AND HOW IS THE BAND THERE TOO.

I AM TRYING TO CALL YOUR FRIEND TO MAKE AND MAKE THE CORRECTION AT THE WESTER UNOIN , BUT HERE CELL PHONE NUMBER IS NOT GOING THROUGH.

PLEASE I AM SO SORRY TO DISTULBING YOU THERE , I WILL LIKE YOU TO HELP ME IN CALLING HERE .

I AM STILL ONLINE WITH THE WESTER UNION TODAY, THE MONEY IT STILL THERE .
FROM ERIC DONLAND

Aww, that's nice that he asked about the band.

Eric,

Myself and the band are okay. I'm worried that you still can't get the money. Did you try calling the Western Union customer service number? Here is the number to the local office from which my friend made the payment: ***

Try calling them and see if they can help you. I am still travelling and can't call them right now, sorry.

Sincerely,
Grace

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HELLO GRACE,
THANKS FOR ALL, I AM SO GALD WITH ALL YOU ARE DOING OKAY.
I WILL TRY TO CALL THE LOCAL OFFICE BRIAN SEND THE MONEY AND CORRECTION AS WELL.
AND STILL TRY TO CALL BRIAN ASWELL .
THANKS

Stick around for Joy

After my chastising e-mail, Peter keeps calling and getting voicemail.

I just looked at the times he left the messages. 12:45 a.m., 2:03 a.m. and 5:45 a.m.! Well of course he's going to get voicemail at that hour of the night! Even if it was a real number, no one would answer at that time of night. Two of the messages are from Joy . I love when a lad tries to sound like a woman. I also love it when a lad apologizes, as Peter does in the second phone call.

Phone call #1 - "Joy" calls at 12:45 a.m.

Phone call #2- Peter calls at 2:30 a.m.

Phone call #3 - "Joy" calls at 5:45 a.m.

Peter also apologizes in writing

Subject: sorry for the way I droped message to you

DearDavid ,

I got your email. I am sorry for the way I droped message to you, I don't mean to be rude to you, just that this transaction is suppose to beconcluded by now.

I believed that by now the money should have been transferred into your bank account, I am worried because the bank might be seeing this as childs play,do try your best and work with me and the bank so that the bank willconcluded this transaction as 25 and 26 are the only holiday before the new year.

Mrs Joy called your friend and was told by the answering machine that she should call back by monday, so I suggest if you have your friend's direct number so that he can be reached faster.
Regarding the wester union, it is available for pick up as also confirmed from Mrs Joy, do try checking it online yourself to know if it is a mistake from the western union for the opening of the account and activtion fee to enable the bank transfer the money directly into your personal bank account in usa. the online account opening and activation will enable you transfer the money online into your bank account yourself to your country.

Finally, try and finalise with the bank and also with your friend for further procedures, also try and make time out for both of us to speak on phone,this is very necessary for building of trust and easy communcation.

Waiting to hear from you soon.
Thanks,
Peter

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Peter,

I'm sure you would have better luck reaching people on the phone if you did not call in the middle of the night. Of course the phone messages are going to voicemail if you call at midnight, 2 a.m., and 5 a.m.!

Have Joy call the Western Union number I gave her today, at a reasonable hour. I'm going back to sleep now as the phone kept ringing last night, waking me up.

Sincerely,
David